Dear xxxxx, I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. Do you realize that you're a total loser? I can't believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about sharing, jerk. Your arrogance seems to have no limits; it's as if you think you're actually somebody. I know you'll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you're a liar. But everyone knows that already, so they won't believe you. You couldn't even pass your exams without cheating; I should have known you'd cheat on me too, asshole. I'm fed up with kissing an ashtray and seeing you waste your money on cancer sticks every day. It's disgusting. Why do you have to be so messy? How hard is it to put your dirty underwear in the laundry machine and wash a few dishes now and again? It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit. At first I couldn't understand what smelled so bad when I spent time with you, but now it's clear: you're spoiled like a piece of meat left out in the sun. Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. Give me back my keys, I don't want you coming around here anymore. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over. Get lost loser! nao58